The Run Away Date

Derrick
Mt Vernon, Oh

Everyone loves Goonies. And if you don’t, you’re not normal. (J/k) Do you remember the character Sloth played by John Matuszak? Know how oddly shaped his head was, plus the fact that he was enormous in size? Upon seeing him, Chunk screamed.

Now you know the reaction I had inside when I first laid eyes on Derrick. I believe he just popped up out of the blue on my yahoo buddy list. Maybe we had a conversation or two eons ago and then he decided that when my away message read that I was playing basketball he wanted to chat again. Derrick was 6’5, another tall one. He had a myspace.com page and had a picture.

Yeah, UH picture. Just one.

I gave him my number and we talked on the phone. As a female, I find myself wondering with each and every guy “does he just want sex?” Studies I’ve read give statistics on how much males think about sex during the day. It’s way more than women. When talking to each and every potential boyfriend, and especially with Derrick, I am looking for the obvious physical attraction: healthy, good looks, chemistry as well as personality, intellect, beliefs and goals. Derrick was tall and was easy to talk to. That was enough for me. After feeling comfortable enough we made plans to meet at Easton in Columbus. Derrick suggested we get a hotel.

Gut instincts did not like that. But it didn’t stop me.

When I got there, it was packed. I parked and walked into Macy’s, texting Derrick to meet me in the men’s department because there was no way I could have found him there. Next thing I know, he comes around the corner and my body jolts as if to run away. Gut instincts reacted and I stopped it. I thought Sloth was walking towards me, tall, awkward shaped head, skinny legs and I was mentally kicking my ass for not demanding more pictures. Why did I settle on just SOME of the attributes I look for in a man? Was I that desperate? Yes, I was that desperate.

Smiling, he greeted me with a hug. We went to Adobe Gilas, and I quickly ordered a margarita to numb the skyrocketing anxiety. The more tequila, the better. A nice guy just isn’t enough. Anyone can reason that this is a shallow thing to say. It’s not and I won’t let anyone reason it that way. My parents married six weeks after their second date. But my mother claims “she just knew.” Well, I “just knew” that there was not going to be a happily ever after for Derrick and I.

Avoiding any honest confrontation, I sat there for the next hour or so replaying in my head the whole scenario again of him coming around the corner. The scene would all of a sudden go in slow mo and you’d see my look of disappointment, my body turn and my arms go up to grab some speed as my legs lifted in full sprint motion. I wouldn’t look back but the dramatic scene had me picturing his facial expression to drop from a smile to a frown, the crowd of shoppers gathering around, pointing and snickering at him, and then I’d be home free in my car speeding off to Lisa’s house, my best friend in Columbus. Then I wondered if I bolted out the door, if he would chase after me, and confront me demanding some honesty. We all know by this point in the book that I do not work well with saying what’s on my mind. I cannot take rejection let alone give it. Now all of a sudden I’m writing this and feeling ten feet tall and invincible and the truth comes out!

After dinner, we went to see a movie: License to Wed with Robin Williams. Not as good as I thought it would be but anything to keep me from looking at Derrick and a dark movie theater would do the trick. Unfortunately he made the move to hold my hand and I let him. This was unbearable. Why me? I really need to learn to be straightforward because not only is this date a waste of my time but his as well. Shame on me. After the movie was over, the lights came on. Dammit. We walked out of the theater and it was dark. His truck was first and I kindly asked him if he would drive me to my car. I parked in the parking garage and was concerned with my safety. Nighttime, good-looking female walking alone, I felt I was a target for something bad to happen but I had no idea what was in store for me within the next 15 minutes.

He drove me to my car and parked in the space in front of it. He put the truck in park, not a good sign. I thanked him for coming to meet me and that I was going to my friend’s house before it got too late. He leaned in and gave me a kiss. I made it a closed mouth smooch and then gave him a hug but he stuck his tongue in my mouth. I enjoy kissing but at this moment I would have rather had my pubic hair tweezed out one by one than to let his tongue wrestle with mine. I slowly pulled away, getting ready to say bye when he did something I will never forget. He shoved my head towards his crotch. I could feel my neck muscles tighten; I looked him in the eye, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. I was offended, embarrassed, and furious all in one. Now imagine those emotions overwhelming you and you don’t say anything because you haven’t yet learned to stand up for yourself.

I’m guessing he thought he was flirting. I don’t know. I let him hold my hand so maybe it was my fault. He suggested getting a hotel again, to continue more with the head shoving? No, thank you. I took a break from online dating after this experience.

Pulling into Lisa’s house she asked me how the date went.

“Fine.” I didn’t want to relive this night.

Not much time passed before I heard from Derrick again on instant messenger. I don’t recall exactly how the conversation went, but it was apparent we wanted different things. I denied a friend request from him on myspace and haven’t heard from him since. About a year later, I started back up with the online dating profiles again. Maybe this time if I specifically asked for a guy that wouldn’t shove my head in his crotch on a first date, I’d have more success.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

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