The Ugly Friend Theory
One night out, while ordering a jack and diet coke, I glance over from across the bar and I saw a guy who caught my eye.
Everything suddenly became half speed, there was a light surrounding “HIM” and off in the far distance, I could hear bells.
There are only two type of guys that catch my eye.
1- the tall guy that is good looking. Whether its his style, the look in his eye, the way he parts his lips to give that sexy, half slit smile. Whatever the case, this handsome fellow wears confidence well and is guaranteed to get at least a 3 second glare and drool.
2- the guy who is going to provide any game playing entertainment.
And BONUS if he can supply looks and entertainment!
I ::sashay:: myself back to my table with my girlfriends. Comfortably leaning back in my seat, I make sure my long locks are gracefully tossed behind my shoulders so there are no strands to block my viewing pleasure. While sipping on my drink of happiness I glance back to the guy who caught my eye. I dubbed him “The Hot Friend” because I noticed he surrounded himself with a pack of uglies. My first analysis of this guy: as good looking as he is, he is extremely insecure.
::I continue watching::
I see The Hot Friend walk by my table with An Ugly Friend trailing behind. Apparently they were making a trip to “the little boys room” (I can only presume due to his obvious insecurity predicament). Upon venturing out, The Hot Friend stops and talks to this dark haired beauty. This girl was in the midst of a large group. Kudos to The Hot Friend for the balls it takes to go up to someone (I find that really hot). The Hot Friend, moves his mouth with obvious “lines.” The dark haired beauty looks like she’s loving it. Her friends look at her in awe, she leans forward, batting her eyelashes and tugging her hair behind her ears.
Awwwww, how cute! A little game play going down right before my peepers! Oh I Love this! ::clapping:: Where’s my popcorn? Where’s my Ju Ju’s????
All of a sudden, The Hot Friend leaves! The Ugly Friend is standing in!! The dark haired beauty looks at Ugly Friend and its obvious to me what she’s thinking “Ugh, Sigh, and complete feelings of utter disappointment.” Because, I’d be thinking the same thing! Who wants Tysons Popcorn Chicken when you can have a sizzling PRIME RIB!?
I watched in agony The Ugly Friend “uh-ing” his way through a very embarrassing moment before he walked back to The Hot Friend and the rest of the Ugly Pack. He probably mumbled a few things to The Hot Friend as Hottie probably tried to reason The Ugly Friends failed close as she was just a bitch.
Ask yourself as a wingman, would you want your dude to pawn you off with the ugly friend? Let it be a lesson, boys. Hot girls don’t want ugly guys.