Honesty, The Best Policy?
”Everyone knows [the truth] however long they’ve lived without it.” Revolutionary Road
Researching my latest conflict, I found a website Lovelyish. Miss Lovelyish writes that she was unsatisfied with the birthday gift her boyfriend bought her. He spent a lot of money on something that she knew she wouldn’t use and wanted other’s advice on how it should be handled. I was fascinated by the answers. Some said, No, that eventually he’d figure it what she really liked, wait til he brought it up or noticed, speak up and tell him you appreciate the gift but it’s not your style…
To any “normal” person, I feel these answers could work.
I use “normal” in a vague sense because, yes, I am a warm embodiment of femaleness. By definition, I am normal. But I am Socially Dysfunctional. I can speak casually on so many things but when it comes to mine or other people’s feelings, it’s like I have Tourette’s. I feel like the chick in Deuce Bigalow when all I want to say is how much I appreciate all that you do….and it comes out like “Shove it up your ass!!!!”
It’s a no win situation. I have a massive buildup of anxiety not only from past experience and worries but the buildup of the current escapades I find myself in through daily encounters, albeit strangers, professionals or loved ones. I am in a constant state of anxiety and now the sight of the person I hold back from reminds me of the things that I cannot delicately say.
And this is where I just keep my mouth shut and endure it. Because if I can control the amount of people who has feelings hurt, I’d rather take one for the team and be the only one who suffers.
The last time I tried to be open and honest, the reaction I got was: “you’re shitting on me.”
I think I’ll opt to omit from now on.